Mark Zuckerberg’s few coins thrown to the GAA should not fool us
If you earn the average Irish industrial wage, then you’re taking home roughly 10 cents a minute. Depending on the metric, Mark Zuckerberg earns €26,000 in that timespan. So it took him just under six minutes to make the €150,000 he paid out to three Waterford GAA clubs this week. If we take the cost of the average club lotto ticket to be €2, then we can safely say that it costs you a lot more in real terms to support the Lismore club lotto while having a pint in the Redhouse than the €150,000 he just horsed out to three local GAA clubs. It takes the average Irish person 20 minutes to earn that €2 club lotto ticket. So cheers for that this week, Mark, but if you want to support us to the tune of 20 minutes worth of work, like the average punter, you actually owe us a smidgen over half a million quid. And, let’s face it, when you’re in a pub minding your own business and some rapacious young lad with a fist of GAA club lotto tickets comes to your table, you know for a fact you’re not getting away with buying only one. Three tickets for a fiver would be the usual tariff, so that’ll be €1.3 million, Mark, please and thank you. Anyway, a short reminder for those of you who instinctively run a mile from any story containing the words Mark Zuckerberg, but are somehow contractually obliged to read this column every week. He and his wife Priscilla Chan have bought a castle in beautiful west Waterford . And this week the couple donated €50,000 each to Shamrocks GAA club, Tallow GAA club, and Lismore GAA club. These are the three clubs geographically closest to their new home at Strancally Castle. But what of Clashmore/Kinsalebeg, just a short stroll down the banks of the Blackwater? What of the always-fun-to-say Modeligo? Why are Kilgobinet being blackballed in this manner? And what about my good friends in An Sean Phobal CLG? What are we, chopped liver? I have had the pleasure of playing in both the Waterford West Board hurling and football championships. It is a unique and storied institution, made up of clubs bound together by mutual shared experience and common interest. Far be it from me to suggest that Lismore, Tallow and Shamrocks are now about to power ahead of their local rivals due to this bonanza, but in the interests of fairness ... it’s time to pay up, buddy. I’ve scribbled down a not-exhaustive list and I’ve got more than 20 clubs in West Waterford. And on a related topic, while you’ve the chequebook out, you might have a look and see how that €2.5 billion fine from the Data Protection Commission is coming along. The State has only got €17 million of that so far, as it’s still under appeal, but we can stay in touch. And you can process that €50,000 for Ardmore and Ballysaggart, right after you’ve dealt with the $16.68 billion settlement you agreed to last month. You know the one, where you agreed to overhaul Facebook and Instagram because people in states across the US brought Meta to court to admit that those platforms were designed to addict children, and Meta admitted the company misled people about their safety and improperly collected minors’ personal data. “The GAA is at the heart of communities across Ireland. As new members of the Waterford community, we’re proud to support these local clubs and the important role they play,” are some words that are attributed to Zuckerberg and his missus, which I suppose would meet the technical definition of a quote. The three clubs came out and said their piece this week, and they are thankful. The sum of €50,000 is still a lot of money on the mean streets of Knockanore. They are delighted and didn’t really abase themselves too grievously while they were thanking their new neighbours for their largesse (although talk of commemorative jerseys made me dry-heave a little). But let’s not the rest of us get fooled here. This is not even back-of-the-sofa money to Zuckerberg. He has been a malign influence on the world. He has eroded democracies and poisoned the minds of young people around the globe. Like the rest of the tech barons milling around Donald Trump’s White House, he presents an existential threat to the future of the planet and now he’s trying to buy the West Waterford Junior B hurling cham ... okay, maybe the last bit is going a bit too far. But we should not be fooled by a few coins thrown from his golden carriage. And we shouldn’t be fooled when other people do it, either. His company was fined €2.5 billion by us, the Irish people, through the Data Protection Commission. That is our money, to be spent as we see fit. And it’s not just fines. Taxation is how we fund our public services, not the selective largesse of billionaires. Anyway, the GAA is not something that can be bought. And volunteerism is at its heart, we’re always told. So if he wants in, I have just the role for him. Zuckerberg’s blink-free visage, the diminished social skills, an at-best ambivalent idea of fair play, the blank stare ... this man has all the qualifications required to become your club’s designated umpire. I look forward to seeing him behind a goal in west Waterford soon.